If you look up the definition of "gross-out movie" online--and TPC did--you'll see that it's a comedy described as "tasteless, disgusting, nauseating." The popcorn lady would probably add the word "language" to that since the film we're talking about today is THIS IS THE END. It uses the word "f**k" 342 times in 107 minutes, so that's a record--not to mention every other obscenity in the English language and maybe a few invented just for this flick. The projectionist might also mention that these products draw young males into the multiplex the way a mass of bloody meat attracts hungry wolves.
THIS IS THE END breaks new ground and TPC isn't sure where to start. First, all the participants use their own names and it's about the Rapture (Were the Christian evangelicals right?) It's the end of the world and giant holes with fire at the bottom are cropping up all over, or as one person describes them, "sink-hole de Mayo!" These new young stars (Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen, Michael Cera) huddle at James Franco's house and amuse themselves with masturbation contests and three-way sex in the bathroom with Rihanna showing up to sing Take Yo Panties Off so many times you'll want to join Chris Brown in physically stifling her.
And that's before the windows are boarded up--literally--with Mr. Franco's modern art collection. Which is after someone tries to break in through a window, the intruder is decapitated, and the cast plays soccer with the head.
This is also before the once-classy Emma Watson--of HARRY POTTER fame--breaks in with hatchet-in-hand and promptly clubs one of the guys. And before Jonah Hill gets raped by a giant penis in a direct steal from ROSEMARY'S BABY. Did TPC mention that a key actor sips his own urine from a juice box through a straw or Michael Cera is impaled by a flying lampost and then asks, "does it look bad?"
Now you know, indelibly, the definition of a "gross-out" movie which further hastens the end of Western Civilization as we know it.
Oh, and TPC should fully disclose this: James Franco--in a final, blasphemous flourish that follows his comparing the holy trinity to Neapolitan ice cream --ascends to heaven as Whitney Houston sings and God grants him his lifelong wish. That, of course, would be to see The Backstreet Boys reunited and poof--there they are--singing one of their old hits.
And if that's what heaven is all about, please leave TPC out.
Yes, that was David and Posh Beckham as yesterday's trivia couple. Today: An emerging star in a photo taken way back then. Who is she?
P.S. Happy Birthday to Donald Trump, 66, and Boy George, 51. Who knew these two had anything in common?